Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Santa's Political Leanings

I wrote him a letter wanting to know where he stood on the issues, but nothing. So I tried emailing him and I got an instant reply saying that he only accepts Christmas lists at this time of the year. I even tried staying awake so I could ask him personally, but I fell asleep in Mom and Dad's room while watching Home Alone. I woke up around 1:30, but I missed him, and then I couldn't get back to sleep for a couple hours.

Hmm, maybe I can figure it out on my own. He's a pretty traditional person, it doesn't look he's much of one for change, like conservatives generally. He's been overweight since before I can remember, meaning he probably doesn't get caught up in the overweight hysteria coming from liberal media outlets. I'm sure he's worried about where his social security checks are going to come from. I wonder if he just invests those checks into stocks and bonds because he needs added income to support Sister Claus, the reindeer, and the elves. I'm really not sure where he'd be on the war in Iraq. I mean sure he's against war (everybody pretty much is), but he would probably ike it if more were allowed to celebrate Christmas. He probably isn't too concerned about rising oil prices because his sleigh runs on Reindeer power. But food prices to feed the reindeer also go up with high oil prices, so I take that back. He's probably a small government type of guy, especially after what happened in New York City. Free trade? He probably likes capitalism and more competition in markets to bring down costs for supplies in his factories. But his favorite color is red, so ya never know. As a small business owner I'm sure he is against mininum wage increases and probably doesn't like unions. I wonder if he has problems with an Elves Union or a Reindeer Union. I'm guessing he's pretty concerned about climate change and has probably bought into the myth that global warming is all man-made despite the fact that it's also happening on Mars, Jupiter, and other planets. I bet he's out there with the Inuits protesting for more government action on climate change. You'd think he wouldn't mind the North Pole being a little warmer, but then again he probably just doesn't like change. He probably wouldn't mind univeral health care cause that would probably simply some gifts. If he knew he could get free health care he'd probably go ahead and eat all the cookies and drink all the milk offered to him, I think I remember more than one occassion where he passed on our cookies and milk. I guess I could see Santa as a liberal or a conservative, but then again...

...WHO CARES! This was the first thing I thought of this morning, so I had to get it off my chest.
Yeah, I know, I'm a loser. I really need to take a break from politics.

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